Saturday, 29 October 2016

The Highly Scientific Cake-To-Stress Correlation Model!! The Realities of Coping with Student Mid-terms.

Good morning my stressed out brutha's and sistah's

Are you ever stressed?  Do you ever find yourself reaching for cake at a time of crisis or impending doom?

Do you realise that there is a highly scientific algorithm (*disclaimer, scientific algorithm is highly questionable with a strong chance of made-up-ness) researched and developed here in The Carefree Bakery that proves within a shadow of a doubt that times of examination, assessment, presentation and mid-term mayhem cause the average student to eat up to ten times more cake in an hourly basis than at non-examination times?

The below model, created in a ridiculously scientific and academic fashion researched the eating habits of quite a few students (well, one actually) over a period of 28 days. The volunteer student was asked to keep a high accurate audit of their cake eating habits from the commencement of a new module/semester/term until the date of their first assessment).

The diligent student kept a written diary of their hourly consumption of cake, sweets, doughnuts, chocolate etc commencing on that first day (day 28) down to day zero and for the short period immediately post exam.

The chart below provides clear and DEFINITIVE evidence that cake is eaten during periods of distress and anxiety.

The most respected professors and academics at the Great Cake Bake Academy based in ShoogarVille University have corroborate and agreed with the testimonials and findings of this highly respected scientific experiment.

The model also clearly indicates that there is a (obligatory) binge and purge session immediately post examination and this is a natural part of the time scale whereby many calories are gained and lost in a very short period.

Yes, this stupendously high-brow, expensive and grant-worthy (dare I say GROUND-BREAKING!!) research has put others with posh double barrelled names (from proper posh universities) to shame by proving, once and for all, that there is a clear and decisive correlation between exam schedule and cake eating habits.

I bet you will all sleep better for knowing that this highly quantifiable, systematic and methodical investigation has taken place.

Good, I'm glad.  Now go Netflix and Chill.  Tomorrow is another day.




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